Treatmebetta

So, my best friend is on the fast track to CPO, chief people officer, and I’m helping.

She’s got decades of diverse and nuanced experience and know how in her repertoire, is successfully securing board seats, and we’re building her a strong, thematically driven brand that epitomizes her professional prowess as well as the caring wonderfulness that makes her so special to me.

We were doing some work this morning, and I laughingly said, “Part of me is pissed that we met so late in life, girl. If we’d met in high school we’d probably be millionaires by now.”

She laughed and agreed, but then — as always — she said something profound: “We met at the right time, friend. A million dollars is a million dollars whenever you make it, but a best friend is like family.”

Facts. And that’s why I love her. She makes everything better. Every Black woman, especially Black women over 40, deserves a friend like her.

The Right Friend Circle Can Impact Your Life

I have literally become a better person since we met in 2022. But that’s how it’s supposed to be. Your friends are supposed to enrich your life. They’re supposed to uplift you, encourage you, propel you forward, and support you. They are not supposed to make you feel bad, or wonder about their intentions.

It’s why we see so many social media posts about the importance of cultivating the right circle if you want to succeed. Having the wrong people around you, fake people, snake-like people, those who are sotto voce rooting for you to lose, rather than win, can be so incredibly harmful to your spirit, your career, your mental health, your energy, your finances, hell, even your life.

I’m blessed in my board of directors — the nickname I’ve given my girlfriend circle. It’s a small but mighty group of high achieving Black women over 40 who I can say with all sincerity have helped to elevate my life, spiritually, financially, and mentally.

They’ve advised me well on my career, whether it be negotiating for more money, or giving me the idea and the courage to identify and pursue new pathways. They’ve advised me on how to handle my house, my car, even my body to great effect.

Those are the kinds of relationships that you need in your life.

I realize now that I didn’t have real friends until I was in my 40s, which is tragic, if you think about it. But I don’t believe in dwelling on the past. What’s the point in wasting more time? Instead, I chose to be grateful every single day that the powers that be saw fit to send these brilliant women into my sphere at all. And frankly? Even if I had to wait for a lifetime, the friends I have now, how they’ve enriched my life, they’re worth it.

Thoughtful, kind, generous, there’s no question I can ask for which they don’t have a damn good answer, and I couldn’t ask for more caring support and encouragement. Well, I suppose I could, but that’s the gag when you have high powered friends: They have busy lives too lol.

It’s wild to think that I went so long without knowing this kind of support, that I didn’t even know it existed outside of some writer’s imagination. Hell, I’ve written about it myself. The fiction I’ve written occasionally delves into the realm of sci fi, but regardless of genre, it doesn’t shy away from life’s lessons and hardships — and good friends are worth writing about. They’re incredibly valuable.

To Have a Great Friend Learn to Be a Great Friend

Occasionally I think on that phrase, the family you make, and it strikes such a significant chord in me now that I understand what it means. The phrase is often used in conjunction with commentary about the flaws inherent in the family you’re born into, and I certainly get that. But I suppose that’s what makes a good friend so wonderful; they can take the place of the love and support you should get from your own relatives but don’t.

If you want friends and don’t have any, your first move is to clear the deck. Root out the snakes and energy vampires you may have been calling friends to date. Then focus on healing.

You need to remove the bad eggs from your environment for healing to take root. It’s too hard to build new, better habits if the familiar people around you are consciously or unconsciously reminding you of how you used to be. And they will do that, especially if they like the old you more than the new version that’s evolving.

The new you may have boundaries or standards or preferences that make life inconvenient or difficult for them. So, it’s natural for them to try and keep you the same.

Fight it.

Fight it with everything you have. You deserve to be and have better. There’s nothing wrong with changing, with wanting more, or different. And you can have that, if you do the work necessary to get what you want. The wonderful thing is, once you start to change, things often align to bring new experiences, opportunities and people into your life that mirror where you are now, or where you’re working hard to go.

So, lean into the relationships in your life that make you feel good. If you don’t have any great friends yet, continue to get ready. Consistently being kind to yourself will prepare you to be kind to others, and that’s what good friendship is all about.