Treatmebetta

The Black woman’s journey has been a long and bumpy one marked by repeated episodes of remarkable resilience, empowerment, and unyielding strength — and it’s not over yet. From the viral movement around #BlackGirlsAreMagic to the astounding growth of Black women-owned businesses — despite opposition, insert Fearless Fund drama here — and the essential conversations around mental health and self-care, it’s clear that Black women are not just surviving — we’re thriving. At Treatmebetta.com we wholeheartedly encourage just that by creating empowering narratives around Black women’s achievements and offering self-care advice to insure that we know we are supported, seen, and understood.

The Magic of #BlackGirlsAreMagic

Six years ago, writer CaShawn Thompson gave us the viral hashtag #BlackGirlsAreMagic, a phrase that has since become a rallying cry for empowerment. This movement highlights the accomplishments and inherent value of Black women and girls. In a 2018 interview with Feminista Jones, Thompson shared how her upbringing in a pro-Black family affirmed her self-worth, teaching her that she was magical and valued from birth. This message is crucial in a world that often dismisses and devalues Black girls — and it’s a major part of the reason that Treatmebetta.com exists.

Reflecting on her younger self, Thompson emphasizes the importance of aiming high, of recognizing one’s intelligence and capabilities, and forming strong bonds with other Black women. These relationships, she says, are vital for support, joy, and mutual upliftment. Embracing joy and not being afraid to express it, regardless of societal expectations, is another key piece of advice Thompson offers.

Too often our global society is overly critical of Black women, while simultaneously mining everything that makes us uniquely us for profit or to shore up other groups ideas of ideal femininity. We’ve become the defacto saviors for many political and social movements as groups in need attach themselves to the strength we display individually and as a community. 

Unfortunately, that same energy is not always reciprocated when it comes time to support us, our causes, our challenges, and our concerns. But we persevere, celebrating every win, no matter how small, because we understand that each win sets the tone for those Black women coming up behind us. And that is just as important, if not moreso, than our celebrations today.

The Rise of Black Women Entrepreneurs

We hustle. We make things happen with grace and style and a relentless drive to make something frequently out of nothing. With that spirit on full display, Black women are revolutionizing industries and creating economic opportunities at an unprecedented rate. According to the 2019 State of Women-Owned Businesses Report, Black women-owned businesses have grown by 50% from 2014 to 2019, making them one of the fastest-growing demographics in the U.S. That number has likely increased in the years since this statistic was released. 

This growth is especially remarkable given the hurdles Black women face, including limited access to startup capital and pervasive racial and gender discrimination. I already mentioned the Fearless Fund. But it bears repeating again, that sometimes, even when there is help available for us, someone will make it their business to come through and take it away.

Still, we find ways to move forward and to celebrate. Women’s History Month is often a great opportunity to amplify Black women entrepreneurs’ voices. Their stories of resilience and success serve as powerful motivators for aspiring business owners to learn from. For example, Janet Mock, a writer and transgender rights activist, has emphasized the importance of self-belief and rejecting imposter syndrome. Similarly, Oprah Winfrey often advises that we focus on significance rather than success, finding deeper meaning in every step towards one’s goals.

It’s all progress in the end! Every step a Black woman takes toward meeting her personal and professional goals is a step forward in her efforts to improve her life and potentially the lives of everyone around her. 

Navigating Strength and Self-Care

But that relentless drive to succeed can easily take a toll on a Black woman’s body, mind and spirit. Strength has long been a defining trait of Black women, but it’s essential to distinguish between being strong out of necessity and choosing strength on one’s own terms. The former can be burdensome and exhausting, often leading to burnout. The latter offers the autonomy, and often the creative outlet, that we crave and should be allowed to revel in without impediment. 

Further, being strong, whether in perception or in reality, should never supersede our need for or right to high quality, consistent care. We’re human, and we are women. We do not have, nor should we always try, to do it all. 

The concept of self-care can be tricky though. There’s levels to it. I’m not talking about self-care a la bubble baths and sheet masks, although these things certainly have their place in the tapestry of a woman’s life well lived. 

But I think what’s more important than the more superficial aspects of self-care that are commonly touted in popular media are those things that make up the foundation of holistic wellness, specifically, our physical, mental, spiritual and financial health. 

To insure that we continue to win — on our own terms — here are some practical tips that Black women can use to navigate their strength while prioritizing self-care:

1. Build a support system: Surround yourself with people who can provide emotional and practical support. It is crucial that we have a sounding board where we can safely voice your concerns and receive help, even if it’s just an encouraging word. One well timed, “I know it’s hard, but keep going, girl. I’m proud of you!” can go a lot farther than you might think. By the same token, Black women have to know how to allow others to support us. Sadly, getting the kind of support we need can be unfamiliar. So, when we get support, we may not recognize it, or, we may not embrace and enjoy it when we get it. Take the help, sis. You deserve it.
2. Embrace emotions: Don’t be afraid to cry, scream, yell, or laugh. Expressing emotions is a healthy and necessary way to relieve stress. Ignore tone and emotion policing. Too often Black women are denied the very human right to express their genuine feelings. We’re told they are inappropriate, which is kind of sick if you think about it. Should we simply absorb mistreatment with a Stepford Wife smile on our faces? What happens to our souls then? What happens to our bodies after years of repressing our God given emotions? I did an entire series on TikTok: 40 things older Black women should tell younger Black women, where this was a common theme. Don’t forget: Despite consistent efforts to dehumanize us, we are indeed human. When we feel pain or pleasure, it’s entirely appropriate for us to express those emotions — even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient for others to witness them.
3. Be realistic about commitments: Avoid overworking yourself by prioritizing tasks and setting realistic goals. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and your empire won’t be either. That’s why you should pace yourself. Set clear goals for each day, and embrace incremental change. You may have your viral moment — I sincerely hope you do — but in the meantime you’ll be actively building a solid foundation upon which to establish your business or goal that will resist being shaken by external forces. Similarly, moving slowly vs. pressuring yourself to grow too quickly can have financial implications on your well-being. If you’re growing a business for instance, it may be more advisable to grow slowly and steadily, versus taking out high interest rate loans that may be prohibitive to your overall financial health. Slow and steady are infinitely preferable outcomes to borrowing money from someone who may not be patient before demanding the return, or a return, if you know what I mean.
4. Ask for help: It’s okay to ask for and accept help. In fact, that’s the smart play. Asking for help does not signify weakness but rather an understanding that you don’t have to handle everything alone. You are not a superwoman. Take off that cape, fold it up, and put it in the donation pile. You’re human, and as a woman, you can be soft. Asking for help is an act of resistance because it flies in the face of false narratives that encourage you to break your own back because no one wants to help you. That is simply not true. When you have setbacks, reach out. It’s far easier to overcome an obstacle with time, thought, and care, when someone stands by your side to help you through it.
5. Set boundaries: Learn to set boundaries to protect your well-being. This might mean focusing on one project at a time or simply saying no. It could mean shutting down distractions or drama from those closest to you — including family and friends. Unfortunately, everyone will not appreciate or understand why you want to prioritize your needs over theirs, but that lack of understanding should not derail your efforts to grow, evolve, and advance. Sometimes when those people start to fuss, it’s perfectly in order for you to gently remind them that they are an adult, and that you have faith in their ability to figure out their own problems without your time, mental bandwidth, or resources. This can be tough. We’re used to helping. Do it anyway.
6. Take breaks: Regular breaks are essential for mental and physical health. Make it a habit to engage in activities that you enjoy with the explicit intent to reset and recharge your system. Take the time to exercise and to prepare and sit down to enjoy healthy meals every day. It may be helpful to develop a routine that incorporates breaks into your schedule. And your breaks don’t always have to be active. It is okay to do absolutely nothing sometimes. So, chill! Sit and relax with a book, or call a friend, or watch an episode of your show. A good, high quality break is not going to derail you. It’s also nothing to feel guilty over. I’ll remind you again: You are human. Your human mind and body need rest in order to function properly. It’s more likely that these breaks, when they are consistent, will support the life you are diligently and energetically working to build. And please, please, please: Do not neglect the importance of sleep. Good quality, consistent sleep is critical for short and long-term health, focus, clarity, and physical and mental well being. At the end of the day, there’s no point in killing yourself to advance or to build, if when you do finally meet your goal, you’re too broken down or ill to fully enjoy the fruits of your hard earned labor.

Self-care Is not Selfish, It’s Smart

On your journey to better yourself, there will be detractors who say you are not magical, Black girl. These people will say mean, discouraging things, and sadly, that might be the least of what’s done in an attempt to bring you to heel. Others may lie on you, and actively work to damage your reputation, your business, or your relationships. 

These demons may not always be strangers. The negativity may come from those who are closest to you, and it may be confusing because they’ll say, “I just don’t want you to get hurt,” or, “I’m just trying to help you.” Maybe. But there’s a way to help, and there’s a way not to. If their way chips away at your confidence, or consistently casts heavy doubt on your abilities or your capacity to win at whatever game you’ve chosen to play, whether it’s starting a new business, pursuing higher education, or running a marathon, ignore them.

You can’t let others’ negativity break your heart or your spirit. Walk away. Hang up. Do not listen. You are under no obligation to listen to everyone’s opinions or ideas about what you’re doing in your life, especially when those opinions are unsolicited, or they come from a place that suggests negative intent. 

Even when you remove yourself from the drama, in a bid to protect your peace and preserve your confidence and energy, someone may have something to say about that! “You don’t listen to nobody.” “Girl, ain’t you too old to do that?” “That’s why you INSERT NEGATIVE COMMENT HERE.” But is it that you’re not listening? I think it’s more likely that when you hear negative comments you’re being smart and selective in who you actually listen to. Frankly, everyone is not in a position to advise you — especially about things that they themselves have never done. Amen?

When you’re hard at work doing something that you’ve never done before, remember that as sad as it may be, everyone is not going to be happy or supportive of your efforts. Your hard work and belief in yourself may be unsettling someone, bringing to the surface unrealized dreams and goals that they let go of. And now they find themselves resentful seeing you go after yours. Some folks just don’t think you deserve better, and how dare you not only think you deserve better, but have the audacity to work to make it happen. 

You have to listen critically to the negativity that comes your way. What is that person’s reason for saying or doing those negative things? You may never know the real answer, but follow your gut. Your gut feelings will provide all the answers you need. 

There’s any number of reasons why people will respond negatively to your efforts to better yourself — none of which is any of your business, Black woman. Focus on what you can control: your physical and mental health, your business, your academics, your career, nurturing your children, being a little bit better today than you were yesterday, and pouring into those extremely valuable relationships where the other party has never hesitated for a second to pour into you. That’s a much better, more productive use of your precious and limited time. 

That’s one reason I strongly advocate moving in silence. Chances are, your family is not the target audience for your new business anyway. So, if you’re not getting support, there may be no need to tell them what you’re doing until it’s already done. 

You can spare yourself the knowing looks, the I told you so’s, the gossip, the shaking heads, and other nonsense if you wait until after you close on the house and have already moved in to send out invitations for the housewarming party. Or, just pull at the family gathering in your shiny new car. Post a sun-dappled pic of your newly framed degree on IG, or let them call you when they get the invite in the mail for the grand opening of the pop up for your new business.

Black women are indeed magical. We are trailblazers in business, champions in our communities, and advocates for self-care and mental health. By embracing our magic and strength while prioritizing self-care, Black women can continue to thrive and inspire future generations. 

Let us celebrate and support all Black women in our respective journeys. Let’s actively acknowledge our immense contributions, and insure that our voices are heard in rooms large and small. In a world that often unfairly tries to limit our growth, advancement and well-being, put that line in the sand. Decide that you will chart your own path, and that you will support other Black women in their efforts to do the same. That is practical magic.