Treatmebetta

Living well is an art, a delicate balance of mind, body, and spirit work that results in a deeply fulfilling — and often extremely peaceful — life. For Black women, especially, the pursuit of this balance can be a profound journey of self-discovery, resilience, and liberation. Given the consistent, unnecessary pressures that we have to face out in the world, pursuit of a life well lived is not only worthy, it’s necessary if we are to eliminate excessive stress, enjoy some measure of consistent contentment, and reach our full potential personally and professionally. 

Black women can embrace the art of living well by: devoting the not insignificant amount of time needed to understand and care for ourselves without guilt, letting go of societal pressures, learning essential life skills and practicing them with joy, and gaining empowerment through self-care and wellness. By focusing on a holistic approach, we can understand what it means to truly live well in a world that often overlooks the unique, frequently relentless challenges that we face just by existing.

Let Go: Release Societal Expectations

One of the first steps on the path to living well is learning to let go of the burdens that weigh us down. These burdens are too often not our own. They may belong to family, to friends, even to our ancestors. 

For Black women, living well often means first releasing the expectations imposed upon us by society. The constant comparisons to others, when comparison doesn’t make sense or is divisive, and frankly, unnecessary. It means releasing the compulsion to compete in environments that don’t value our worth, or where the deck is stacked against us and the goal post is constantly moving. It means releasing ourselves from the pressure to conform to stereotypes, which can be exhausting and often fruitless. Letting go of these external pressures allows us to focus on what truly matters — what we want, what we like, what we need, essentially, we focus on our own well-being.

1. Let go of comparison and competition: In a world that constantly pits individuals against one another, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison and competition. Black women, in particular, are often judged by standards that don’t take into account their unique experiences. Letting go of this need to compare ourselves to others can free us to explore our own paths. Instead of competing, we can instead focus on collaboration and community-building, which are more aligned with our values.
2. Release blame and judgment: Blame and judgment are often two of the most corrosive forces in our lives, and they can come from any number of directions and sources, often simultaneously. Blame and judgment can not only harm our relationships with others, they can easily erode our sense of self-worth, draining away our energy and will like water from a leaky tub. By letting go of the need to blame others or to judge ourselves harshly, we open the door to healing and growth. This doesn’t mean we ignore the injustices we face. That’s not really possible anyway when there are constant examples of these injustices presented to us each day. Instead, however, it makes more sense for us to choose to address them from a place of strength, self-respect and determination to live well no matter what.

Practice Presence: Embrace Mindfulness

Once we’ve let go of what no longer serves us, a practice that may take time and need to be revisited as needed, we can begin to cultivate the skills that will help us live well. One of the most powerful tools we can use along this journey is mindfulness. By practicing presence, we can connect with our true selves and navigate life with clarity and purpose.

Mindfulness: The foundation of well-being: Mindfulness is more than just a trendy buzzword; I believe it should be a way of life. For Black women, who often carry the weight of multiple conflicting roles and responsibilities, mindfulness offers a positive and peaceful way to reconnect with ourselves. By being fully present in each moment, we can reduce stress, enhance our well-being, and make choices that align with our values.

The peaceful aspect of being present is often the most important one. It means peace from negativity, from that which is unfair, from familial pressures, from personal and professional drama. Simply, it means freedom from other people’s stuff, and this kind of peace can give you the mental clarity and emotional space you need: to think, to be creative, to ruminate in a thoughtful, strategic, plan-centric way. 

We need quiet. We need to not constantly hear others’ opinions on: what we should do, how we should feel, how we should look, how we should speak, even what we can dare to dream. That valuable quiet enables us to dial into what we want, what we believe, and which direction might offer the best, most exciting, most educational path for us to take in pursuit of a life well lived. 

Too often we are not taught these critical foundational skills. So, we may begin our pre-adult and adult lives at a deficit. And this deficit often compounds with time and exposure to society at large. 

Curiosity and enthusiasm: Engaging with life: Living well means engaging with life fully and enthusiastically. It can be hard to do that when you’re weighed down by others’, well, by others everything. With a fully engaged heart and an enthusiastic spirit, on the other hand, it’s much easier for Black women to approach each day with curiosity, so that we can uncover, and have the capacity to act on, new opportunities for growth and joy. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean that we should ignore the various challenges we will face. Challenges must be faced, preferably head on to avoid them devolving into something worse. But that capacity, to bravely and courageously face life’s bumps, often depends on how we choose to see them. I believe the optimal way is not to view these bumps as challenges but as opportunities for learning and transformation.

Too often I see Black women who have been beaten down by life’s challenges and woes. Without support, without help, without care, without information, we end up tired and worn, and we can easily become fully entrenched in survival mode. That state of existence belies any consistent, real notion of joy or enthusiasm. There’s no room for any of that when one is worried about survival. That state of being is actually the antithesis of living well. It’s living foul! And it doesn’t have to be that way. 

With focus and intention, Black women at large can live well. But we must devote ourselves to this practice. We must dedicate our time, energy and resources to building daily lives that each of us find value in, and that we can be inspired by, and then actively share those good feelings with each other, with our families, and with our local and global communities. 

Discover Your Dharma: The Path to Purpose

Of course, the art of living well is not just about letting go, being present, and being happy and content more often than not. It’s also about discovering your purpose. In many spiritual traditions, this is referred to as finding your dharma, or your unique path in life. 

For Black women, this journey can be particularly empowering, as it allows us to reclaim our narratives and define success on our own terms, in our own time. It gives us the freedom we are often denied when weighed down by others’ needs, demands, and expectations. 

Here are a few things to consider on the path to finding your purpose:

1. Embrace your true self: Discovering your dharma begins with embracing your true self. This means letting go of societal expectations and dialing into who you are now and who you want to be. It requires that you listen to and trust your intuition when external intrusions would cast doubt on their significance or validity. 

It also involves recognizing your strengths and talents, and using them to contribute to the world in meaningful ways. That could be leading by example, inspiring others around you and sharing what you know, or it could be something more large scale. It’s up to you.

2. Find contentment in the journey: The journey to discovering your dharma is not always easy, but it can be deeply rewarding. By focusing on the process rather than the outcome, we can find contentment in each step of the journey to a life well lived. This is where the paradox of contentment comes into play — when we stop chasing happiness and instead focus on the dedicated, daily practice of living well, happiness often finds us.

Black Women and the Soft Life: A Path to Liberation

The concept of the “soft life” has gained considerable popularity in recent years, particularly among Black women. This lifestyle emphasizes rest, leisure, and joy-based health. It prioritizes comfort and our version of beauty, and it actively rejects the always on, always working, hustle culture that often leads to physical, mental and spiritual depletion. 

But for Black women, the soft life is not just a trend; it’s a path to liberation from the stress and harm caused by societal pressures and systems. It’s a road that we must set out on with intention. Without a determined mind, distractions and others’ demands will be formidable deterrents.

The harm in hustle culture: Hustle culture, which glorifies constant work and productivity as badges of merit and honor, has taken a significant toll on Black women. Whether in the workplace, in academia, or in entrepreneurial pursuits, we often feel intense pressure to overperform just to be seen as equal. Similarly, you are undoubtedly familiar with the old adage, we have to work twice as hard to get half as much? But this internalized trope and the associated relentless pursuit of success can lead to chronic stress and burnout, which negatively impacts both physical and mental health.

Living a soft life is the antidote to all of that. It means stepping off the hamster wheel and prioritizing rest, leisure, enjoyment. It’s about recognizing that our worth is not tied to our productivity, and that we deserve to enjoy life without constantly striving to prove ourselves.

Beauty culture and wellness: A rejection of oppressive standards: Beauty culture, which promotes narrow and often unrealistic standards, is another oppressive force that Black women face. Historically, these beauty standards, which are not based on our traditional features and are thus almost completely unattainable, have been used to consistently marginalize and devalue Black bodies. 

Consider how much effort Black women habitually spend trying to look like society’s accepted notion of what is beautiful or professional: straight hair, straight bodies, and until hip hop and the Kardashians helped to make curves popular, even straight lips were preferable. 

The soft life offers a way to reject these harmful, unrealistic, often warped cultural narratives by embracing a nature-based, holistic wellness that centers on self-love and self-care. Not just the superficial manifestations or ideas around self-care either. This goes deeper than bubble baths, manicures and massages, although those things certainly have their place.

For Black women, true wellness isn’t about following ever-changing beauty trends or achieving a particular body type. It’s about nourishing the body, mind, and spirit in different, sustainable ways that feel authentic and empowering. This includes embracing our natural beauty, setting boundaries, and engaging in activities that bring us joy and fulfillment, alone and in company.

Embracing Femininity and Sensuality: The Power of Self-Trust

Living well also involves embracing our femininity and sensuality — qualities that have often been suppressed or distorted by societal expectations and demands. By reconnecting with these aspects of ourselves, we can access a deeper sense of self-trust and confidence.

Redefining femininity: Femininity is often misunderstood as weakness or submission, but in reality, it’s a very powerful force. True femininity is about being authentic, creative, and intuitive. It’s about embracing our vulnerabilities without fear and using them as a source of strength. For Black women, redefining femininity means rejecting the patriarchal narratives that often seek to diminish our power and reclaiming our right to be seen and heard.

Sensuality as spiritual nourishment: Sensuality, often confused with sexuality, is about being fully present in one’s body and experiencing the world through the senses. It’s about finding pleasure in the simple things — whether it’s the warmth of the sun on our skin or the taste of a delicious home cooked meal. Sensuality is a form of spiritual nourishment that helps us to stay grounded and connected to ourselves.

Black women are not as familiar with this practice as we should be. One, it’s been conflated with sexuality, and many of us work to distance ourselves from the endless hyper-sexualized narratives that can place us in danger or in conditions that lead to disrespect. 

The Principles of Living Well: A Roadmap for Black Women

The art of living well for Black women involves a holistic approach that integrates the mind, the body, and the spirit. It’s a dedicated, daily balancing act to ensure that we aren’t just working hard, that we aren’t just of service to others, but that we are able to enjoy our lives, our environments, and each other. 

Here are some principles from which to guide this journey:

1. Let go of societal expectations: Release the need to compare, compete, and conform. Focus on what truly matters — your own well-being and happiness.
2. Practice presence: Cultivate mindfulness, curiosity, and enthusiasm. Engage with life fully and be present in each moment.
3. Discover your dharma: Find your unique path and embrace your true self. Focus on the journey, not solely on the destination.
4. Embrace the soft life: Reject hustle culture and beauty culture. Prioritize rest, leisure, and joy-based health.
5. Redefine femininity and sensuality: Reclaim your feminine power and connect with your senses, with your inner self. Ask yourself: What do you want? What do you believe in? What do you like or dislike? What makes you feel and want to share joy? Use the answers to these questions as a source of strength and self-trust. They will provide the building blocks of your life well lived.

By following these principles, Black women can create a life that is not only fulfilling but one that is also sustainable. Living well is an ongoing process. It’s not a one and done situation or project with a finite end date and a distinct plan. Things will change. Things should change, as people grow, and we embrace the inevitable changes occurring around us via technology, business, culture, etc.

It’s important to remember that each woman’s journey will be unique. What’s essential is that we continue to prioritize our well-being, embrace our true selves, and support one another along the way. We can start small, but we must proceed with determination and dedication. With the pursuit of this lifelong pleasure in mind, the art of living well is not only within reach, it’s a path worth pursuing with heart, body, mind, and soul.