Treatmebetta

Amid significant political shifts and the ever-present social struggles, Black women are urged to be more open and vulnerable, in part due to rising voices in mental health and emotional well-being movements — blue bracelets only better, one hopes. 

But thought leaders like Brené Brown, who routinely encourage people to embrace vulnerability as a means to connect and build trust, don’t seem to understand that for Black women, vulnerability is often fraught with unique challenges. Think about that now infamous LSU Women’s Basketball win, where Angel Reese and other Black female athletes faced backlash, double standards, and disrespect just because they had the audacity to be proud, Black, and winners. Vulnerability, for Black women, is rarely safe — whether it’s displayed on the court, in the workplace, or in everyday life.

Why is vulnerability so dangerous for Black women? What are the societal factors that make Black women’s self-expression a potential risk to their safety and well-being? Strap yourself in and let’s talk about it. I’ve also outlined some actionable steps Black women can take to authentically express themselves without compromising their mental, emotional, or physical safety.

Vulnerability and Systemic Double Standards: A Familiar Battlefield

Audre Lorde once said: “When we speak, we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid.” And this quote embodies the familiar paradox that many Black women face. To remain silent can be exhausting and disempowering. But speaking up can also be tiring as we’re expected to educate, commiserate, and come up with solutions all on the same ticket. 

Not to mention how often our displays of vulnerability are met with hostility, especially in environments dominated by systemic biases. Angel Reese and the LSU Women’s Basketball Team’s 2024 NCAA victory showcases this dilemma perfectly. Despite achieving an extraordinary feat, Reese and her teammates faced intense scrutiny, including disrespectful comments about their character, backgrounds, and appearance. Meanwhile, athletes of other races, like Caitlin Clark, who displayed similar behaviors are often praised for their competitive spirit, if there is any commentary made at all. 

To add insult to injury, First Lady Jill Biden suggested inviting both LSU and their rivals, Iowa, to the White House to celebrate a “historic” game. Biden subsequently took back the invite in the wake of the resulting backlash, but the slight had already been made. Not only did it diminish clear evidence of Black excellence, the incident mirrors the broader challenges Black women face daily: We always have to “earn” the respect that should inherently accompany success and recognition. Whereas white women often do not. Theirs is readily given — like an invite for the loser to the White House. Further, the backlash Reese experienced then, and still deals with today, highlights why many Black women feel safer concealing their authentic selves, lest they invite unwarranted criticism and abuse.

Historical and Social Backdrop of Vulnerability for Black Women

Historically, society has required Black women to fit an unrealistic and ever changing mold. We’re expected to be strong, resilient, and self-sacrificing — traits embedded in the “strong Black woman” stereotype. While these traits are often celebrated, they can be stifling, forcing Black women to suppress vulnerability as a matter of survival. The cost of this forced resilience is staggering, as Black women face higher rates of anxiety, depression, and stress-related physical ailments than their white counterparts.

Researcher Amy Edmondson defined psychological safety as the absence of fear in interpersonal relations. Essentially, individuals can bring their authentic selves to interactions without fear of punishment or humiliation. But that’s not often the case for Black women’s experiences in public or professional spaces. Vulnerability without safety becomes a dangerous burden, and this has far-reaching implications for one’s mental and physical health.

Think about it. Systemic inequities make it nearly impossible for Black women to engage in vulnerability the way it’s presented by popular culture. Therefore, while valuable thought leaders like Brené Brown’s concepts often don’t account for the heightened risk that Black women face. Until we are equally represented in research and discussions on mental health, Black women will likely be left out of critical frameworks meant to support authenticity and self-expression.

Understanding the Unique Risks of Vulnerability for Black Women

Risk is not something that Black women can always afford. When decks are already stacked against us in many spaces, playing it safe becomes a core practice for our survival. When we don’t, there are:

1. Professional impacts: Black women’s vulnerability in the workplace is often penalized. From being labeled as “angry” or “difficult” to being sidelined for promotions, openly expressing concerns, frustrations, or even asking for help or support can lead to severe career consequences.
2. Personal repercussions: Even outside work, Black women’s vulnerability is often met with what I consider to be unfair scrutiny. Social norms dictate that Black women should be “strong.” So, any deviation from this is criticized, ignored, or even made fun of if not met with outright incredulity. Naturally, this makes it quite hard to establish trust in personal relationships.
3. Media and societal stereotyping: When Black women assert themselves or show strong emotions, they’re frequently villainized, as seen with Reese. The media, and society at large, disproportionately scrutinize Black women’s behaviors and emotions. When we don’t meet the subjective, changeable dictates others feel are suitable, the inevitably poor responses seed a cycle of negativity that almost completely disincentivizes openness and self-expression — at least in mixed company.

Steps Black Women Can Take to Protect Themselves and Stay True to Their Identity

Despite these barriers, Black women can still find ways to express themselves authentically. Here are some steps to consider:

1. Develop a secure support network. Community is a powerful tool. Finding a support system that values and protects Black women’s voices is essential. Supportive spaces — whether in-person, through social networks, or online communities like Treatmebetta (TMB) — allow Black women to share openly without judgment.

Platforms like TMB offer Black women a place to express themselves, share their stories, and receive support from like minded peers without the fear of reprisal or misinterpretation.

2. Embrace radical self-care. Prioritizing mental and physical well-being is vital for resilience. I’m always talking about the importance, and the art, of living well. Daily routines that include self-care, engaging in creative activities, drinking water, eating nutritious foods, exercise, finding time for quiet reflection and the like are necessary for us to thrive, not just survive. For me, true self-care isn’t just about occasional pampering; it’s about establishing a foundation of support that promotes strength from within, providing us with the courage we need to navigate spaces that might not always feel safe or welcoming.

3. Establish boundaries and define safe spaces. Creating boundaries in professional and personal spaces is necessary to maintain psychological safety. For example, in the workplace, Black women can limit sharing personal details or emotions until they feel more or less certain the environment is trustworthy. Boundary-setting isn’t about isolation; it’s about creating a buffer to protect one’s mental health and ensure that our not unlimited energy stores are channeled where it matters.

Black women can also establish personal safe spaces — places where they can unwind, reflect, and feel at ease without external pressures. Setting these spaces can be as simple as designating a room for meditation, using social media in a curated way, or connecting with friends who respect and understand our experiences.

4. Seek therapy or mentorship with culturally competent professionals. Therapists who understand the unique challenges Black women face can offer tailored support that general therapy may not. Trauma-informed therapists, for instance, may focus on helping Black women unlearn maladaptive coping mechanisms. This approach encourages Black women to move from survival mode to a place of psychological safety, allowing for greater emotional openness.

For Black women who may not have access to therapy, finding a mentor who can provide guidance in navigating professional spaces can be invaluable. Mentorship can offer perspective and strategies to help Black women assert our value without compromising our emotional well-being.

5. Practice self-affirmation and resilience-building. Creating self-affirming practices can reinforce self-worth and inner strength. This could involve journaling, repeating affirmations, or reflecting on personal achievements. Journaling can help Black women explore emotions safely and track progress over time. Journals also provide an appropriate space to write down affirmations like “I am worthy of respect and success” or “I have a right to express myself” which can help to combat self-doubt and reinforce personal resilience.

The Power of Reclaiming the Narrative

Society often imposes a very limited, one-dimensional narrative on Black women — one that doesn’t allow for the full range and complexity of human emotion. By understanding the dangers and limitations of vulnerability within today’s social and professional structures, Black women can proactively navigate these spaces with more confidence and care.

But beyond just surviving, Black women deserve to thrive. This involves not only holding space for vulnerability but also reshaping the conditions that restrict it. Black women, by creating and participating in supportive communities, engaging in radical self-care, and challenging stereotypes, can pave the way for a future where vulnerability no longer feels like a danger but a choice for us.

To Black women navigating the complexities of vulnerability and authenticity, I hope that you continue to assert your right to exist fully and openly, embracing both strength and sensitivity. This journey is not an easy one, but it is one that paves the way for meaningful change, for ourselves and for those who follow.