Treatmebetta

It is absolutely wild to me that in this day and age, spring 2024, given the state of the world, there are still people out there who think that you should work for free.

It’s baffling. 

Like, head scratching, are these fools crazy, what in the actual fuck is happening, type crazy.

But they’re not crazy. Entitled, maybe. Spoiled, probably. But they are also completely serious. They want you to work for free.

They want you to give them the skills and lessons and expertise that you took years, copious amounts of energy, sacrifice, and more than a few of your hard earned dollars acquiring — for free.

Now sometimes an exchange of goods and services in barter is perfectly fine. Feel free to extend your services liberally to those who deserve it. I have friends who could damn near ask me to write a book for them, and I would because they have done so much — and continue to do so much — to pour into and help me. But the gag is, those friends wouldn’t dream of asking me to do that because they know I need my energy to write my own books.

People who care about you — unless their backs are to the wall, we’re talking special circumstances — will not ask you for something that it might hurt you to give. 

When I say working for free is trash, I’m not just talking about jobs wanting you to take on extra projects or duties with no additional remuneration. ‘Cuz let’s face it, while there are limits, that right there is part of the game sometimes when you work in someone else’s house. 

In those situations you may have to take on extra — just make sure they don’t break your back — because they are, in fact, paying you.

I’m talking about the “friends” who want you to help them start a business because they see yours is taking off. But they didn’t and don’t support your business, nor do they seem to be doing anything you suggested that they do to help their business along. That’s because they’re waiting on you to do it for them!

You know it. 

When your “little” business was first starting out, did they help you pack, move, deliver, edit, write, like, share and repost things?

No?

You did it all by yourself, or with other friends, who were happy to help and asked for nothing in return? Hmm. With those friends there was no, “Damn, girl. You could at least take us out to lunch, or buy a few drinks, all this work we doin’.”

If any part of what I’m saying sounds familiar or resonates with you at all, I can tell you with all certainty, those people you’re thinking of? They are not your friends. They might be acquaintances at best, and at worst, you need to put space between you and those demons immediately.  

Working for free might take the form of a committee you always seem to end up on whether you actually volunteered or not, and it takes hours of your time each week, only for somebody else to take the majority, if not all, of the credit. 

If you are working, and not being paid, and afterwards you feel resentful or angry or mistreated, then you should probably not do that work. Hell, you may even have to check your own kids if they start volunteering you too often to bake for this sale or that one. 

Sometimes people don’t realize that they’re putting too much weight on you. They see you handling it all, and it looks effortless because you don’t talk about how tired you are, or how you’re struggling to juggle and give everything its due attention. They see you and see that superwoman cape. 

I am inviting you to take that shit off, fold it up, and put it in the giveaway pile. 

Don’t do stuff and resent those who receive. That’s not how things are supposed to go. We should give with an open and happy heart. I’m pretty sure that’s in the bible. 

If you give reluctantly or begrudgingly, rethink that gesture. There’s a reason you feel that way, and it’s completely valid: You’re tired. You don’t really have time. You don’t want to contribute financially because it compromises your personal or professional goals in some way. Whatever the case may be, you don’t have to do everything for everyone — especially not for free. 

So, I am inviting you to tell anyone who feels entitled to your time, energy and labor yet offers nothing in return — in a loving and caring way — to fucking stop it. 

You decide what you’re gonna do with your time, energy, and labor, not the next person. Period. Stop constantly giving and not getting. 

No woman in her soft life era gives and never gets. 

And this isn’t about being stingy and never helping without 100% reciprocity. That’s unpalatable too. This is about not being a damn fool.

This is about not turning yourself inside out to help others who you’re not sure would go get your ass a cup of cool water on a hot day, just because it’s the right thing to do. If you feel like that, cool. You’re an adult. You should always do what you want. But if you resent what you’re doing, doesn’t that mean you shouldn’t do it?